the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
