Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
