Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There's always time for handjobs
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize