I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
