my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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