im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I want her autograph on my taint
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
