I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
