What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
