I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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