Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I AM VODKA MAN
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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