I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
