Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
