i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize