I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize