I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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