My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Is it penis luge time yet?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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