I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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