she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
