Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
