his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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