i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
People with herpes should wear stickers.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Randomize
