I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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