He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
