Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
