Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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