I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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