I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
