If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
