I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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