Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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