Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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