i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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