Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
