I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
