My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
