Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I need moral support for this bender
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize