She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
