I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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