I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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