I think im going to throw up on grandma
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
