Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
