I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
