but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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