Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
