Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
