and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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