you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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