ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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