i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
