i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize