There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
well you can't waste a boner
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
