I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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