she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
