2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize