Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
