based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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