Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think your dad took our porno
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
