I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
