I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So apparently I’m into choking now
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