Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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