Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
