Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
