I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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