He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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