He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
