I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
