Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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