please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
