from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Boobs are out for the taking
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
