tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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