Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
