i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm like, not good at living.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
